Day 15: show up!

As a friend just said to me "sometimes you have to put your hand in the fire to know how hot it is.". I reflected that's like anything, you have to show up, especially if your a tactile learner. As a tactile learner I often need to do or feel what I am aiming to learn. So that means a lot of experiencing and leg work to try to figure out for sure what is working and what is not.


Well it's a lot harder dealing, coping and managing this long distance relationship, that isn't really old enough to be considered a relationship. So he communicates that my affectionate texts make him feel obligated to respond and that he is sensitive to the fact that he has a pattern of accomadaring to the relationship. I actually have the same pattern. I will work hard at anything and everything I do, even relationships.




It's a detroit thing I think. I am passionate, caring, genuine, and loyal. Some where I just read that our greatest gifts are also our weakest qualities. Awesome! So he asks that I don't hold it against him for not texting back. What he doesn't understand is that I never had a problem with his lack of texts but actually his lack of creativity. It's NOT quantity with me it quality! I want thoughtful communication not aimless flirting. I can have aimless flirting all the time but it doesn't fulfill any needs.


So as much as he doesn't want to feel obligated I don't want to feel unappreciated! The best way I know to create a charge is to not respond. I gave him a warning that I would probably not respond to him for a while just cause that is my authentic experience of this powder struggle that he can't see cause he is not near me.


Really I think that's the main flaw to any long distance relationship, no way to read the other person. Like I was thinking a few days ago when I could tell how he wasn't into the pattern I just need to break off from this paradigm. I don't want to fall into any old patterns but enjoy the opportunity to reflect on someone who I'm attracted to who I am and how I react so I can better learn about myself.


Alone and happy!!! Cheers y'all!

Song of the day: "I'm good, I'm gone" by Lykke Li