The Project Defined

I often loose touch with my own worth. Especially when I am in difficult situations, stressed, sick and/or others are in greater need of my service, or at least I think so. Just recently I was given an opportunity to re-locate temporarily to help restructure the company I worked for. I say "opportunity" now since I feel my head is finally above water, my feet are out of the mud and my skin is only mildly crawling. I writing this first blog on day 4 of the 32 I will be here.

The first 4 days were some of the most challenging and uncomfortable days in my own skin that I have experienced in a while. It was if I was kicking in screaming in the bedroom of my heart. A temper tantrum of worries, uncertainties and awkwardness. I am very well traveled have french-gypsy blood and have never been home sick before. How could I all of a sudden be experiencing all of this all at once?

Here are some new variables that have come into play that I haven't experienced before:
1. Moved to city that didn't inspire me
2. Moved to a new city 2 months after I settled into a new wonderful home
3. Agreed to take on a secret mission to help save the company I work for
4. Moved without knowing a soul
5. Met someone who I actually miss only a month and a half before I moved out here

Reading these over to myself they seem unusual but are still only excuses for me to blame my uncomfortableness on something other than my own uncomfortableness in my own body like domain. I have always felt that home is with you at all times. Whether your comfortable in your body, heart, imagination and/or all of the above. A sanctuary is relative to the individual and so how could I have lost touch of this so quickly?

This is NOT a blog about should, could, would this is a blog about practice and the journey to find home again in my body, heart and mind all while being with the ultimate experience of uncomfortableness. After all being uncomfortable is nothing new, its just rare that I get to experience such a sharp, fierce and sobering understanding of this flavor of life.

So after reflecting with my lover who is thousands of miles away I have been diving into Project: Me! A work in progress to ultimately not suffer when suffering is always an option. To rediscover what makes me happy in the face of difficulty. To allow a new flavor of experience to guide my heart and transform it into art and beauty. And finally to dive into instead of run from the experiences that can truly polish and redefine our character.